Relationship Goals You Shouldn’t Set

Relationship Goals You Shouldn’t Set

Goals. Everyone has them for pretty much every other aspect of our lives, including our relationships.  Being in a healthy relationship and having goals as a couple can be good, however sometimes setting relationship goals can backfire on us and have the opposite effect we were hoping for.

Relationship experts warn that some common relationship goals can actually be toxic. Here are some relationship goals that these experts say you shouldn’t set.

Never Fighting With Each Other

Relationship expert Davida Rappaport warns couples that this goal is unrealistic because all couples have disagreements but stuffing all your feelings down or not talking to your partner about what’s going on can lead to resentment and anger. 

This is how holes suddenly appear in drywall and doors to the laundry room (not speaking from experience of course!). The key, and common theme you’ll find, is communication!

Making Each Other The Center of Your Worlds

This is the number one most toxic relationship goal and also what makes the rest of us want to hurl when we see Karen and Clark’s PDAs constantly! Yes, you want to make your partner A priority but not THE ONLY priority in your life.  Dedicating your whole life to them isn’t good for you. 

Sharing the housework equals more sex. A 2015 study found that couples who shared the workload of housework had more active sex lives.  
Also, the "honeymoon" period of a marriage is most likely a myth
Sharing the housework equals more sex. A 2015 study found that couples who shared the workload of housework had more active sex lives. Also, the “honeymoon” period of a marriage is most likely a myth

Following Modern Trends to be the “Cool” Couple

Our avatars on social media are not really who we are, but we often set goals based on what we see everybody else doing but that doesn’t mean it’s good for your relationship.  Compromising your values to follow a trend can be toxic so forget about what’s “cool” and do what matters to you.  Besides, the people we think are ‘cool’ are really just being themselves, not copying someone else. 

Living Together By Six Months & Engaged by One Year

Setting a strict timeline or even expectations can be very toxic for a couple.  Relationships move at their own pace and it’s okay to take your time.  Many people are together for years before they get married or even live together.  

Cuddling is great for long term relationships, so whether you're the big spoon or the little spoon it is good for you both! 
Surprisingly though, getting into a fight every now and then is also healthy for a long term relationship.
Cuddling is great for long term relationships, so whether you’re the big spoon or the little spoon it is good for you both! Surprisingly though, getting into a fight every now and then is also healthy for a long term relationship.

Setting A Weekly Date Night

Now this one I disagree with, but experts say that if your date night feels too routine or like a chore then it’s time to shake things up.  When couples reach the 10+ years together mark, or after having children that consume their lives, scheduling a date night can actually save relationships.  The key is to do what fits your unique situation, which really isn’t that unique as most couples go through the same phases so you’re not alone. 

Aligning Your Futures

Yes, you and your partner are a team, but you’re also individuals who need separate career and future goals.  My wife and I have very different personal interests and we are perfectly happy giving each other our own space (literally) in the house to do our own thing.  This does not mean you don’t support your partner and their path, no that is still important but you don’t want to compromise your own path to do it. 

Splitting Everything 50/50

This can get petty real fast.  Equality is good, but keeping score is a horrible idea.  All this will lead to is resentment when you keep track of everything.  You’re in a relationship and it’s okay for one partner to give without expecting anything in return. If my wife wants to pay for dinner I let her! Mostly because I’m broke, but the point is still valid!

Eye rolls will cost you.  Contempt is the number one predictor for divorce AND divorces are also contagious.  Yes, who you surround yourself with matters when it comes to your relationship as the more couples you associate with get divorced the higher the likelihood is that you will end up getting divorced too.
Eye rolls will cost you. Contempt is the number one predictor for divorce AND divorces are also contagious. Yes, who you surround yourself with matters when it comes to your relationship as the more couples you associate with get divorced the higher the likelihood is that you will end up getting divorced too.

Top 9 Mistakes You Should Never Make

9 Relationship Mistakes You Need to Avoid Always

Why do relationships fall apart? How can things seem wonderful one minute and completely crumble in the blink of an eye? Here are the top 9 mistakes you should never make in your relationships