Buzzfeed has rounded up some of the funniest and most brutal tweets about marriage in recent weeks, and those who are married will likely relate, and those who aren’t may wonder what the fuss is about. Funniest tweets about marriage include:
Marriage year 1: Your sneezes are so cute.— Jawbreaker (@sixfootcandy) July 22, 2020
Marriage year 10: For the love of God! I hope your head explodes.
Sent my husband nudes and he asked me which mole I was worried about.— Laura Marie (@lmegordon) July 23, 2020
overheard my wife telling old friends from high school that we’ve been married for 18yrs, and when they asked “what’s ur secret,” my wife said “low standards” wtf— Grant Tanaka (@GrantTanaka) July 19, 2020
My husband popped in from work and surprised me. After whispering a sexy suggestion to him he whispered back, “I was just in the area and I really gotta poop.”— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) July 25, 2020
me: *glances at wife optimistically*— Uncle Duke (@UncleDuke1969) July 17, 2020
wife: just drive pic.twitter.com/fiCyVN5Ueb
Me and my husband have been married for over 11yrs. I know it's true love because starting at 5am his alarm goes off like 4 times every single day, and he's still alive.— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) July 25, 2020
Just found a black thong tucked inside my bedsheets that I knew didn’t belong to me so I called my husband over to ask wth that is. So anyway funny story... turns out a thong looks a lot like a face mask.— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) July 17, 2020
My husband brought home unfrosted Pop-Tarts and now I have to file for divorce. We had a good run.— Jawbreaker (@sixfootcandy) July 13, 2020
There are two kinds of people. The ones that pack six days before a trip, and the ones that wake up day-of and realize they need to do a load of laundry. And they marry each other.— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) July 12, 2020
My daughter asked me what marriage was like and I nodded and said that sounded great. Then she asked me if I was even listening.— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) July 7, 2020
Husband: I think we need to talk about...— Darlin’ Darla (@Darlainky) July 20, 2020
Me: I don’t like where this is heading.
Husband: Where do you think it’s heading?
Me: A conversation.
New marriage vows should include: I will laugh with you, and not at you. Unless you try to make a Tiktok video with the kids.— Divergent Mama (@Divergentmama) July 16, 2020